I was recently on set of a porn shoot and I was very whorey. I think it was because I felt like a piece of me was missing, so I acted out. I was humping and fucking everything and everyone in sight because the one person I wanted was not there. Its been the summer since I last saw him but the want, love and lust has not lost any of its potency. My last day on location for this porn shoot I stayed awake while my fellow cast members lay cuddling. I was looking at pics of the love of my life on my phone and was tearing up. I don't like getting emotional, because its kind of an ugly look.
I met the love of my life over the summer in Europe. I know some of you are thinking I thought your hubby was Dario Beck? No he is just my porn hubby. Both Dario and the love of my life have a lot in common though. Both are sweet, good to cuddle with, smart, kind, generous, determined, talented, good in bed, good kissers, and amazing to look at. There is just something more that he has that Dario does not. He can make me calm and submissive. Hold up before you get any thoughts in your heads, let me explain. When I am around him he makes my nerves go away, I am less on edge, all my anger and hate just goes away. He makes me a better person and less hectic than I normally am.
My favorite thing about him is that I can just wrap my arms around him under his shirt and lay my head on his back and I need nothing more then that. I feel complete when he is around. I bug him a lot to come visit me because I haven't seen him in a long while which is kind of torture. I miss waking up next to him when we had our mid day naps and just crawling up to him from his chest face to face and just kissing him. My heart cracked in half when he had to leave for San Francisco and we parted on a street corner. I kept kissing him hoping he wouldn't leave and would just stay there and be with me.
I feel like a huge pussy right now since I am acting like a chick, in the bath eating cheesecake and tearing up like a big baby. People say it's good to tell others how you feel, But sometimes no matter how many times you tell people or that special person, you just don't think they understand. They don't know how your heart wretches inside, like you're ill because you are not whole. The object of my desire is thousands of miles away which makes it impossible for me to feel better. Being as perfect as he was created. The day you fall in love with them is when you see no flaws you know you're really in love. I know this is going to sound kind of really gay but when I start to analyze and compare myself to the person I'm in love with it was brutal.
I normally love to compare things and pick things apart and that will never change. What really sucks is I started comparing myself to him and I began to hate a shit-ton of things about myself because (I thought) he was just so much better then me at so many things. Bias are formed and trust me when I first saw him I was like he's ok but as time passed on when we hung out. I couldn't see what I saw in the beginning I was blind back then and unwilling to look deeper. That changed within about 12 hours of meeting him. All I wanted to do is learn about him and his life and put my finger through his hair and rub his smooth body. He could do no wrong, in my eyes.
So in the end look before you judge and be open to ideas and people you would normally not be. In my case the rare occasion that I was willing to open up and look deeper. I found the perfect man that I want to spend my life with no matter how poor or rich or where he might be. Good people are good people and hard to find and sometimes they are even divine.
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